I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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