i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
