I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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