IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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