cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize