It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
