its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
