fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
