i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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