On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize