I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
