OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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