Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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