After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize