I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
