update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
