I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
