Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
