So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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