About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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