My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
this hospital has no fireball
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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