I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
