I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize