The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
