Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I can't put those talents on a resume
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
