I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Nicole vs. Life
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
