We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
