the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
