that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
two words: eviction party
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
