It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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