Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
