Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
