The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
