We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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