I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
