i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
