Little spoons don't ask big questions
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize