I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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