i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
