Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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