my vag is so smooth its legendary
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
