they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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