He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
