you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
