your parents love me but you hate me
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
