I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I party with great urgency now.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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