just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize