The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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