In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
