u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
