Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
