i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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