cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
