I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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