im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
