How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Randomize
