Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
