Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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