She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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