I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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