Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
