Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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